46 "Good Books" Episode: Malcolm Stern - Author, Facilitator & Founder of Alternatives.org.uk

Welcome to a special "Good Books" Episode  of "The Good Listening To" Podcast with me Chris Grimes!

If you've written a "Good Book", then I wrap an Episode of the Show around "uncovering the story behind the story of your Book!"

"Who are you? what's your story? And what have you written?"

So yes! Please welcome to the GLT Clearing today - for a special "Brand Strand" Episode - Malcolm Stern: Life Journeyman, Author - natural Storyteller - and Founder of Alternatives.org.uk

Malcolm Stern is also Author of a seminal book on Grief, called "Slay Your Dragons With Compassion: Ten Ways to Thrive Even When It Feels Impossible". A book which was brought to the world after the tragic suicide of his daughter Melissa in 2014.

Alternatives is the UK’s longest running weekly Mind-Body-Spirit Events Company and is internationally known as UK's landmark speaking platform for spiritual teachers, alternative thinkers, conscious business leaders and visionary thought provokers for the past 30+ years...

A wonderful rich, story-suffused conversation indeed. Including the richly comic story (brief and in passing) of how Van Morrison walked in on Malcolm whilst he was making love to his Fiddle player (if you'll pardon that particular expression!)

We've all done it...

Enjoy!

If you'd prefer to "Watch/Listen" to Malcolm's Episode then you can watch it here:

https://vimeo.com/510272998

So - thanks for listening to another episode of a "GLT with me CG!"

The Podcast series that features "The Clearing":  Where all good questions come to be asked and all good stories come to be told!

With some lovely juicy storytelling metaphors to also enjoy along the way:

The Clearing itself - A Tree (where we get to "shake your tree to see which storytelling apples fall out, in the form of a lovely storytelling exercise called "5-4-3-2-1") - some Alchemy - some Gold - and finally a Cake with a Cherry on Top!

Think "Desert Island Discs" but in a Clearing! 

Also think about William Shakespeare - and about Jaques in "As You Like It" in particular:

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages..."

Jaques: Act II Scene VII

And as my Guest in the Podcast:  Now is your 'moment in the sunshine' to share your story!

Who are you? What's your story? And what 'life-lessons-learned-along-the-way' would you like to share with us? And just to get bit "existential on yo ass" too (!) what would you like your legacy to be?  How would you most like to be remembered?

And all my guests have at least 2 things in common: They are all Creative individuals  - and all with an interesting story to be told!

If you'd like to find out more, then please do check out my websites www.secondcurve.uk + www.instantwit.co.uk - and there's also a dedicated "Good Listening To" Facebook Group c/o the link above.

Plus if you'd be interested in the experience of being given "a damn good listening to" yourself, or you'd like to explore the idea of some Personal Impact Coaching from me CG - to help level-up your confidence, communication, and personal impact c/o my online Coaching proposition: The Second Curve "Zoom Room" - then, by all means, do get in touch via any of the usual social media channels (see above) or you can email me at chris@secondcurve.uk 

(The Second Curve "Zoom Room": Coaching to help you 'level up' your IMPACT - or to get Clarity on how to get to "where next?")

Tune in next week for more stories of 'Distinction & Genius' from The Good Listening To Show 'Clearing'.  If you would like to be my Guest too then you can find out HOW via the different 'series strands' at 'The Good Listening To Show' website.

• Show Website: https://www.thegoodlisteningtoshow.com
• You can email  me about the Show: chris@secondcurve.uk
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• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/chris-grimes-actor-broadcaster-facilitator-coach/
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Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW wherever you get your Podcasts :)

Thanks for listening! 

Transcript

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/And we're recording! And welcome to the "Good Listening to Podcast", the Podcast series that brings/you "The Clearing", where all good Questions come to be asked - and all good Storys/come to be told!/And I'm the author, presenter and curator of a very special place/I like to call The Clearing, which I've already mentioned./And today we're doing/a "Brand Strand" Episode wrapped around this wonderful man, Malcolm/Stern: Who is an author, creator, curator of/his own outstanding curated space, which is Alternatives.org.uk//It's got an illustrious gallery of the Holistic/Universe, which he can tell us more about very shortly. But it's a great/pleasure/Malcolm Stern -/Welcome to the "Good/Listening To Podcast" with me Chris Grimes!/Thank you Chris, lovely to see you!/You, too./And how's morale?/What's your story of the day? How are you? How am I?/I'm somewhat frustrated - it's quite hard to have let go/of running Groups./I'm so used to travelling all over the world and running Groups. That sound very flashy, but/actually I loved the experience of going to China./The experience of going to Greece - experience of working with a community in La Gomera./And suddenly I find myself doing bits online./Quite a lot of one-to-one work, and so I'm I'm having to look at my own frustration - and actually/trying to find meaning in the 'simpler things of life'./That's my practice today. Lovely - and indeed you're very calm personification/despite the frustration, you look very chill-axed./if I may s so. Thank you Chris, as do you!/Wonderful./So it really is a pleasure./Alternatives don't or gets an illustrious gallery./I'm very flattered that actually, I don't know if you know this, but I'm actually on the website, too, because I ran Instant Wit/"Laughter Lab" within the curated space of Alternatives./And so I'm feeling incredibly privileged that I'm now getting to speak to the man who's created/the whole -/I call it a universe because it is a very profound place of holistic/spiritual mind./body connection./How would you describe it?/Well, it's really interesting that way./Think about this./This big thing that's now putting 30 nine/years old./Wow, there's this big thing that I created./But actually, I told Train of Circumstances led me to a/scenario which allowed things to unfold./So in 1982 I was dancing in something called the cosmic celebration/with people./I work on the head of the Sufi order, and it was the storey that no one's ever said to me./I was dumped in that particular way when I was down because an angel, actually./But I mean, I'm not a professional dancer./I was./It was an amateur thing, but it was beautifully done./It's the storey of the master's saints and profits throughout history, and it was done/at this church in Piccadilly courts, and James's Church on director was Dollar Greaves, and this was an/amazing production showed the life of the Buddha light show of the life of/Mohammed showed Zoroastrianism showed the whole spectrum of spiritual/religious life on./Donald Reaves, director at the end, came out and said, Every church in the lad should have a cosmic/celebration./And I thought, Wow, this is a very open minded Christian rector on DH and I/said to him, Are you interested in having a serious that explores what was then called the New Age?/He said, Yes, it's all I've got a plan to like./Seven laps the lamp of healing the lamp of around/um, sort of philosophy lamps around music, and there's a lamp around the/New Age./And so, yes, I feel very interesting habits we started to in a small regular/meeting place./Half doesn't people come./We'd explore spiritual ideas on bit by bit./It grew./And then finally I bumped into this guy./Put Roger Houston, who ran the Open Gate Trust, and he was bringing all the big Americans/over there would just stand to come into London./These are this is all about synchronicity./Sze is happened in time, so he brought all the Americans over on/DSO./Suddenly he's he's saying, What can you put on the talks?/And then I'll run the workshops for them and you give us a kickback from what comes from talks,/which was perfectly good, because we would get up to 500 people coming to these talks/suddenly in the church./So people that run dust came and did his thing in London./People that are D Lang came and did it when he was a really was England./He did his thing tick the harm./Elizabeth Kubler Ross./A lot of the big players started to come across and and do their thing/at alternatives, and it grew and then it because it was a head this regular Monday night slot,/we kept the momentum going in its country./Quite a lot of transformations over the years, but it's and I know that was the wrong religious reference./But its the church in Piccadilly became the sort of mecca for all this to happen./Yes, where everyone, like most of flame, came to the seven./As you say, Litton torches./It's not./I went to an event myself, so I on exactly the context./I went on alternatives vent and observed one immediately before I did the laughter lab thing./And you still to this day have three candles that you like./Before that, each speaker wondered about that./Well, there was that there were a number of rituals./We have to bring the talking to play, to get people out of their everyday space, that they've come from the/rushing and to enter the oasis of ST James's, which is Ram's favourite church, the/very beautiful church, so that we like three candles, first candles for love./Andi, that's what you're bringing the essence of love into each heart./That's there This happened counters for wisdom./So we're looking for Teo Embody than to have the speaker in body and at the audience embody the/receptivity off and the Connexion with wisdom./And the third quality is the quality of the speakers./Choice and speaker, then chooses something they want./It's often something like compassion or unity, or come your source of things./But yes, sir, there's like three kinds of balls to take a silence./Take about three minutes where people just settle down/and slow down into the rhythm of the church./And then we we do./We create some community by having people turn to someone they haven't come with and sharing./But the day has been like and why they're at this talk or whatever it is, and you get such a buzz that's going on that/I thought we could have a whole evening on that./But you get a buzz from that and you get people feeling connected and learn at the end./There's a closing and sort of them./We offer food and so people can actually sort of go and by a/very cheaper meal on DH and sort of hang out with people./So there's some sense of community is formed./And by the way, what I love there is the obvious Segway of community spirit./Because you're giving the spirit of ceremony of presence./The flame is and it resonates so beautifully that even in the title this podcast resonates the good listening/to because of letting our thinking unfold which which, you know, I'm just/noticing You're such an instinctive storyteller And I'm I'm loving there some feeling a sort of/warm heart glow as I talk to you, Chris, stand by because I think life/is all our history is storeys./Everything is storeys./You know, when we're sharing with a partner we share in the storey./You know, when I wrote my book, my book is full of storeys some two by three books, but they're all full of/storeys./And I know that you're your most recent and probably most profound and poignant book./Forgive me, I'm not read the other two./But the slay your dragons with compassion has has come from a painful genesis/as well, which I'm sure you may talk about as well./I'm I'll talk about anything, you know, that's my thing./And just before we get into sort of the seismic stuff as well because of/your link to alternatives on the alternative world of healing I know/that also in your storey, the Rainbow Warrior was a ship you were on with/Greenpeace back in the day./So Rainbow Warrior has some I'm not from Greenpeace at this moment./I just think about you./It's a storey telling entity There is something about you as a rainbow warrior, if you like./Well, yes, it was more of a sort of like a learning what it was to travel with warriors./So I put on a concert for friends./I was working for friends of the I was an estate agent./Andrei was so bored with that./And then I I took acid and that time you took it once and it was very/different then./This is definitely not a pro drug thing, But something happened in May and I'm sitting there with my/friends and that I'm saying, My God, the universe is not what I thought it wass and they're going a stone/man./You come down in a bit and to this day my friends still feel like I never came down from that trip./But what happened is my mind expanding./And I'm not recommending this because I think meditation Zafar Best/and was solid way of expanding our minds./But my mind expanded on DH./I started to see things in a very different light./I could no longer carry on being stage, so I was looking to find things./Had meaning to do my work in./And these were the days when you could pick clothes of jobs./It wasn't, you know./It wasn't like he would have it Scrabble for every job./So I worked in a Whole Foods store for a while./I watched the terminal Cancer Hospice for awhile, and then I took a job on a seven./A voluntary coordinator for Greenpeace./Sorry for Friends of the Earth for a whale day./Ah, nde./You know, promises live./And I knew quite a few musicians from my various exploits over the/years on DH, and I knew that Morrison's band quite well,/some of his band were old mates had grown up with them./General, Who's the sac?/Softness?/People hope the drummer Tony Marcus is the fiddle player and she was/a lover of mine on DH./If that guy Morrison walked in on me and her making love ones, which is anyone?/Another storey./But so had that happened course, Uh,/but I sort of side got involved this way all day./And then one day I picked up the phone and the friends of the Earth office, and this guy said, I want to talk to you/about nuclear power in Stroud./So I'm chatting away to him and I said, Close./I send you some details./What's your name?/He said, Mike Oldfield./I said, Are you Mike Oldfield?/A musician?/He said, Yes, I know one putting on a whale day and such and such a time Would you be interested/performing?/And he said, Well, I haven't done anything for three years But if you/get my friend David Bedford to join me, I'll do it./So I knew David Bedford./I contacted him and Mike Oldfield became the starring act off./This wailed, and suddenly it was on the TV news./It's one and yeah, my father, from thinking I've been a absolute failure for leaving./But for not being the state agency./Oh, my son's on the news at one o'clock, so I think much more adapted to/it./And if I made this a more prime real estate in that as well, friend, You father's mind, of course, is/exactly what you've been thinking these things very much./If you make money, you have your success./That's his philosophy, very much./And anyway, so we have this enormous event and Greenpeace off me a job./And so I I was working with Green please for two years doing publicity for them, and I/sound on their own warrior to Norway when they were trying to stop Seal Carl./I sell the David McTaggart, who was the founder of Green Peas, and he was the man who'd been blinded/trying to take pictures of the nuclear testing in the mirror at all by the/French./And he was a real He was a swashbuckling character on there was definitely planned,/is you're talking about permanent blindness in doing this or permanently blinded in one eye./Yeah, and he made his fortune in property and then lost it and then made it again and then put the money/into creating Greenpeace on DH strive to stop the damage that was going/on in the world./I created this world wide, amazing organisation on pure passion./So I sat with him and others like him./It sounds like you're a living exponents of a lovely added I've discovered recently, which is what's meant for you won't pass/you by a songs./You stay receptive to the windows of opportunity that may be on a very lubricated hinges that are opening/for you./Exactly So saying, remember where it was amazing We went to Norway./The Norwegians were very angry that we were trying to stop their boys going out/to earn their living./And I, foolishly, as we're getting the cameras were so Excuse me, please./Green peas on DH./Somebody I know and try outside to turn over this big first mate picked me up under his arm and/carry me away from the main square because it/was there was stuff going on, being picked up by a big first mate./That's not exactly happen to us./All these f doesn't have to everyone, but it's like it/was./It was an adventure on my life./I feel has been a lot of adventure./Beautiful segue, way./My life is a life of adventure and in fact, I know it's an extraordinary path because I was/researching a little bit about you, and we've got Reg Starkey in common as well./He mentioned you met Donald Trump whilst Pink on estate agent is just one of the/comedy things that I have sent a plane./But he took a few estate agents after lunch, you know, sort of like boiling Assad to sort of help finding/provinces in England./But I was telling them yes, then back in the day./So welcome the great adventurer to my clearing, and it's really a privilege to have you here./So Malcolm Stone, that life's adventurer and storyteller, what is it/clearing as I'm going to take you through the normal construct off the good listening to podcasts./So, first and foremost, what is it tiring like for you?/Where do Ugo to get cutter free, inspired, unable to think/I meditate every day./It's very important part of my day in the more lazy times, colder times I'll do/a guided meditation, probably by someone that rammed us on./Do it in bed lying down./But, you know, sometimes I'll sit./But I do dedicate when I get up in the morning./I dedicate around 20 minutes and sometimes a bit longer./Half now, two sitting and being so I Matty gearing up/for my day./I'm Rachael./You make sure you start each day with the 20 minute meditation./Yeah, that's a ritual./I have a rich for the night and I have a, um,/hot Epsom salt bath./So I said, which is very good for sleep./And so I had that ritual at night as well./So before I got a bed, eyes completely Chill out a read, my love/reading, inspiring literature./In fact, tomorrow I'm doing the 10 Best Book club Sandy./Such fears his puts on this this thing when he actually asked people to pick out 10 books that/have transformed their lives./So I'm I'm constantly re reading./Some of those props were because they're so inspiring./Wonderful on./So if I'm going to join you in one of those clearing examples, which one would you/like to pick?/So I'm goingto come alongside you not to interrupt./You will disturb you, but I'm going to arrive with the tree next to you./So So where would you like me to?/Around, I think literature, Because it's such an inspiration for me./I love that./So we're standing in a literate scape of your 10 best books./You're right there in the middle of a whole sea of writing./Oh, Kanai./Sorry./Let's just go out there Can./I was high that nature is a rep./You know, every day I take a 10,000 step walk on./I live in beautiful, near beautiful nature, and it's so inspiring me for me to look at the/trees to feel the wind blowing to silicon./So the river and the forests that's also a big part of who I am./Lovely./So in a nutshell, in a clearing is a tree, and you and me, it's your carry on./I'm here to shake your tree on out of the tree for these lovely storytelling/apples for a juicy storey telling exercise, which you Khun crunches through or chompers/through./54321 where Malcolm Stern, you've had five minutes./Or as long as you needed to have thought about four things that have shaped you and you've implied some/of those./But do continue three things that inspire you to things that never failed to grab/your attention./Who Squirrel's borrowed from the film up on./Then one extra quirky or unusual fact about you we couldn't possibly know until you/tell us only open road./Let your thinking unfold over to you./So I'm sorry for five of I know it's five minutes to have thought off, and then it's for 3 to 1./So four things that have shaped you for things that shame./We were one thing that shape May./It was I was going to public school and hating it,/but actually learning something of confidence around it./A second would be sailing on the Rainbow Warrior with Green, please, actually being with people who were dedicating/their lives in the service off the earth,/on doing it with such integrity and credibility, the third/would be growing up in a Jewish family and actually being very, very/affected by the tales of the Holocaust, which I wasn't directly affected by./But my uncle was was in in the Holocaust, was in concentration camps on/that has left that toe a lifelong interest in Holocaust literature/on DH, The fourth thing that shaped me would be running work walking into a/workshop one day I was Mr Tate agent./I've been in therapy for a couple of years, and I walked into a workshop Monday, which was a humanistic/psychology workshop, and I saw the woman running the workshop./I thought I could do this./I thought, just targeting you always think you can do everything, But actually I had found I had/found my goal./I realised that that dynamic that bounces around a room, the alchemy/that happens in the in the space of the room is actually something that has/deeply touched by life has been something I've been doing for the last 35 years./I've been running groups on DH, feeling like I can play with/our chemical magic and helped transform people's lives./I love you in a healthy way because alchemy and gold is coming up in the construct of what we're doing./So it's a lovely residence./Also, I love these sort of full cycle there of public school./You hated it, but it gave you confidence./Wind forward to walk into that holistic, humanistic workshop in thinking I could do this old stop./You're always saying that you're too confident./But actually confidence has equipped you extremely well to ask the right people/the right questions to get a lot of what you want./I'm hearing yes, it's true you because you realise everyone to him being you know, there's this/day of five people we have a son, Robert Johnson talks about./We give away our gold and actually, what I can see is that actually, they're just human beings like/us./They may have a fabulous skill, but they're not necessarily divine beings/on./There are two parts I can see here./So the partners one path, which is the path of the monastic./So you'll see the Dalai Lama and techno are, and I do say that them is different because I think they've dedicated their/lives to meditation, prayer and on service./And then there's a part of the marketplace, and that's where I feel you and I are./We're out there in the world./We're growing, we're being developed by our experiences./And indeed, I've heard it couched when you put people on a pedestal of attributed charisma that could be very/familiar./Teo, what's great about this knockdown is actually so that people have lost./You know, the glamour's gone out./The loss of life have Grey was Alice Bailey Theosophy ist/Roatan Li in the early 19 20th century that actually glamour was the great one of the great/world problems./We were glamorised Yes, you know, he's had built stars and/way make them into something I made./And then we're not shoot down as well./Yeah, we do./We like we like to gossip rather toxic Lee and then we shoot them down way, want it to be/amazing./And then we wantto have feet of clay on DH./Kindness and compassion is something that's coming through, but I know we're going to come on to that with your book./Which is way will definitely talk about that./So, yes, beautifully bish bash Bosh clearly galloped through the four things that have/shaped you now three things that inspire you./And don't think Don't worry if there's any overlap in what you've already been saying, but three things that inspire you./The music./Leonard Cohen and is the exquisite songwriting ability and the/capacity to touch the heart of the matter in the way of the most wonderful/sage could do and his music./Ever since I saw him on stage in 2009, I was just blown away/by the fact that he created a sort of like a 15,000 people/sitting together in prayer./That's what it felt like./So the music of a kind one, the writing of Hermann Hesse, who is/the for me, was that the big inspiration about chronicling the spiritual path in/novel, especially narcissism Goldman's on the glass bead game and sit out./So those below its slow down say those names again./Just a really position them Herman hostage, not home./And Hesse, who won the Nobel Prize in 1963 wrote Narcisse and/government, which is the storey of a young man having to go through the whole of life,/to come back in the end, to find the place with enlightening an awakening./Siddhartha, which storey the Buddha and the glass bead game with a storey of an elite society,/which which are working at that great death to/become a T, evolved into an extraordinary place and Have/you heard the storey of the diamonds beneath our feet?/By the way, the diamonds beneath our feet./Helen./Well, if you don't mind me riffing, you've just made me think about that./It was something I stumbled upon recently where it's an apocryphal storey which is translated to different cultures./But the recent version was a South African/farmstead er, living in a drought blighted landscape, desperate/opening his paper every day./Meanwhile, everyone else elsewhere is prospecting for discovering/diamonds./And so he gets irked One day./I'm trying not to say pissed off, but this is what he does./He sells his farm and goes off into the wilderness wilderness./Teo A life of despair The person he sells his farm to that finds a rock/in the floor things Oh, blimey!/Puts that on the mantelpiece./Seven months later, someone comes to his house and says, Oh, fuck me./That's the biggest diamond I've ever seen on DH./Indeed, they start digging and the diamonds were beneath his feet all along./If you keep digging, the diamonds are beneath our feet./They are./Thank you./You're welcome./And say so./Thank you for reminding me to think of that because I had no idea I would be talking about about/this./I'll be into play as well./It is good./And the third thing that has shaped me Yes./Yes./The third thing that shake the other inspires./Thanks./Sorry, Tara./I got just the thing that inspires me would be,/um, going to scare us./Which I have done every year./35 years except last year, because of lock down on hopefully this year/I'll go again, which is the most wonderful holistic holiday centre on the island, on the island of/Scare us in Greece on going there and actually living is a community for/two weeks on having a timeless space, this time in the/in the midst of a tropical forest headed seat, sir, where magic happens/Beautiful./And is that something you were invited to?/Our new alternatives./Do your event there./But did they invite you or is it your centre?/No, no, no./I think that I'm one of their regular facilitators./I've been going there since the year dot You know that since very early on, when they were formed/on gets a place for about 60 to 80 people go for a fortnight and partake in/lots of different courses./Wonderful, lovely./And now we're onto, I believe, to things that never failed to grab your attention./I have brilliantly played bridge hand./I'm a real bridge on DH./I love the game of bridge./I think it's such a It's such an amazing game and I think that you can start to/see great intellect coupled with great/intuition in the game of Bridge so brilliantly played Bridge had to be one thing that grabs my/attention./But what would you say?/It's akin to chess in the hand./Sort of faith is very good./I like chess in the head with Britain./The push./Okay, Yes./Oh, um, on DH as the other thing that would have never found to grab my attention./His is seeing compassion in/action and remembering, going to see the Dalai Lama and not understanding a/word, it said./But coming away deeply shaped and moved because I'd watched a man who was embodying compassion/on I've seen that many times in alternatives./I've seen people who bring that through./Jack cornfield rubbed us techno harm./They bring through this compassion./So a bit of a sort of bathing in energy./Really?/Yes./Well, its transmission and its end./And that's what I love./It's I'm cap see captivated by transmission, and I have my/own version of it when I'm in the running groups./But actually there is something magical about transmission because the person no longer matters./It's what comes through the letters, just letting that float/there./That's a sort of boom moment, Thank you very much./And now one quirky or unusual fact about you, Malcolm Stone./We couldn't possibly know until you tell us./I just threw./The one is./It's embarrassing./I'm gonna happen here./So scare us./They have a cabaret at the end of the session, so people shouldn't do the thing./You're guaranteed a lovely audience./You know, They've been with you for two weeks, working with you on one year, I decided to dress/up in drag and Tio Tio pull in Three lovely women has/my backing singers and we called ourselves Marilyn Slag and the raging hot/vaginas on it was one of the most I could/fall about laughing As I look at it, I was outrageous, but I absolutely loved playing/out that Rome Aryan Marien slag in the railroad and site on the raging up./The giant That's got all your albums I love/Thank you for that./Awesome./That's great cos there's a lovely adage within comedy improvisation, which is that if you/can't top it, stop it./So I need to shut up at this point because that was great./Just float the name of the band again because that's what we need to stop on Maren./And we didn't make a record./Marilyn Slag and the Raging Heart Vaginas get in Lovely./Now we move away from your beautiful tree on We're going to stay in the clearing and now/talk about alchemy and gold./So when you are at purpose and inflow Malcolm Stone, what/is the what is the alchemy and the gold that you are here to bring/Well?/And Jesselyn, which is one of the places are taught in Big Sur in California, they say there are full/golden rules for running a group./Show up, be present, get out of the way and trust the process./And for me, the alchemy comes when you're out of the way and you're trusting the/process When I'm running a group./It's as though magic can come through something I haven't been able to conceive off/nor intellectually been able to create./But in the process of it emerging, then there is an alchemical process that/happens on the possibilities of transformation on./I'm not saying it's me./I'm saying I am so fortunate that I'm able to channel this./I don't mean this in a sort of like a mystic, meg sort of way that I lay with channel this energy/that comes through me when I'm doing that particular work./And there's a lovely Kraft as part of comedy improvisation, which is called/Reincorporation./So just re incorporate those brilliant rules again because as a facilitator, I was completely timing with/that./Okay, show up, be present,/trust the process and get out of the way./Wonderful./And what has brought you to the current clearing you find yourself in and please do talk about/your book, and I suppose this sort of well, it's Storey because I know it's/profound and it's it's It's not a storey./Yes, you said at the beginning, Chris, something about/that./This is my third book and possibly most profound./Without a doubt./It's the most profound book that I've written because the first two books were based on philosophy and anti/storeys and experience./But I haven't been shaken to my core and shaken to the roots./So in 2014, my daughter, Melissa Wilds daughter,/um, had 10 years earlier she'd had a serious mental breakdown and she'd rung me and she/said, Hi, Dad./I'm in a lunatic asylum, I say, Very funny./Melissa, which is hardly manage, passed the phone to the nurse, and she had actually gone into intensive intensive/care psychiatric unit, and it took her a year to recover, and it seemed as though she had/fully recovered and would never visit that place again./And then 10 years later, she started to get quite a manic phase, which/I found quite difficult, came to scare us with me a couple of times on DH./She was wild, and she's a very free spirited beautiful./She's addressing amazing colours and where bright lipsticks and all sorts of things./But she came there on DH, and then soon after that, she went into one/of the deepest depressions you can possibly imagine./And I have no idea what that type of depression is like that I've tasted depression./I work with people with depression but that I've been told that that level/of depression is so hopeless that you can't survive any longer./And I got a phone call from her mother./I was in the middle of running a group, and her mother said, Ministers, not with us anymore./You can't stay with the mother and I said, Well, where's she gone?/She said when she started the planet and Oh my God and I'm running this/4.5 day residential group and I walked back after it, and one/of the guys in the group was a psychotherapist./I said, David, can you take over?/Captain?/This's what's happened, she tells the group./He sets up a grief circle, and he has ever the whole group stands holding/hands./Those who lost their parents step into the centre of the circle that half the group stepped into/century Sir, those who lost a sibling step into the circle./Couple people stepped in./Those who has lost a close friend step into the circle for five people stepped him/those that you lost a child and I was it./And in that moment, the grief landed for the first time is the shop had kept it, but I/was in shock./And then there's just the grief landed on DH./I was in this group that the group then supported May I've been supporting this brutal years running the/group, but that for that session I was given such love and such care/by the group./It was one of the greatest healing moments of my life./And, um, I wrote a poem, The end of the group's postal face was aware, letting people/know that Melissa had died on and on./It was a brilliant poem, but it was a poem that actually sort of allowed my/experiences./I could read it if you want./Please don't do them./Yes, please./Okay, great./So, Andi, I find if I can't find it quickly, I'll leave it./But I will try and read it./Yes, I read that poem post on Facebook and had so many beautiful/responses to this to this poem that they just I/was just so moved by what people have actually in your journey to now./What's the timeline here?/What year did this happen?/This half of the 2014./So it happened almost seven years ago or six years, and I can't find the perm afraid of the moment./So I'm sorry about that./But it isn't my boat somewhere./If you send it to me after his are cut and paste it alongside what we're publishing, which is/wonderful and also a my large shares to share screen here./Yes, of course./I might just need to quickly give him permission to do that, which will be very happy to do/over to you./You can, Because Because one of the things that happened after this, you know that there are a lot of/rituals, you know, if you can follow rituals when you've had an enormous loss, then there's something/extraordinary about the creation process./For me, the book was the creation process./I met this chap called Ben Crave in 2017 on DH and talk to/him about writing a book./And he said he's of even, Did you say so?/Crave C R H I B on DH./He's a He was a publisher and an editor, so he helped me create the architecture./Can we create the structure and then work with me and getting the book out on/DH?/This took about a year and a half to create the structure, and then it only took eight months to write the book./So the book was an amazing catharsis./But in scare us where I've lost my daughter Ondas, a few months earlier and/shared this with the community, they came up with the idea of this creation, which I'm about to/show you here on the screen./And you, my mouse king./Was she there the year you did Marilyn in the red hot?/No, actually wasn't there that I would have done it./Rather, she was wild/is a visible./It is./I'm looking at a beautiful It's not called him a lot./It's a stone./It's a mosaic music./Sorry, that's what I just couldn't think of./It's a mosaic, and actually there are thousands of pieces in order, many hundreds of pieces, anyway./And the whole community came together to create this mosaic with the mosaics./Teacher, help me design this structure, and then the mosaic now hangs/in one of the teaching circles in a seat, sir./And it's a place where I got a feeling It's a shrine where I go and remember my doors in/that for listeners who may know also the thing that here, in loving memory of Melissa on a beautiful/Greek style mosaic, beloved daughter of Malcolm Stir in 1981 to 2014/and so appropriate that it's in Greece as like an ancient mosaic, the home/of mosaics./I love that share/and you haven't You've been very graceful./You've not mentioned that./I know I have mentioned the title of the book, but just for our benefit, just position the book for us that's called Slay Your/Dragons with compassion./And actually one of the wonderful things is that I decided to get to ask for endorsements/only from people who I felt a real heart Connexion with, So there were some quite famous speakers./We've had it alternatives, and I didn't want them on there because I didn't feel like they were in alignment with my/thing./But I had people like are taller, who's giving me a beautiful endorsement./On the front of the book, Elizabeth Gilbert had lost a partner./Um, and she and I shared what the grief process was Mei and she wrote to the writer of yours from Eat,/Pray, Love./She wrote me a beautiful endorsement on um/Ondas Quick./David, is that the musician who's who had a beautiful endorsement/really touched by and Jack Cornfield, who?/I was on retreat with a one point and I found him such a hard for/human beings are these people helped endorse but which gave me a lot of confidence that they were/The book was speaking to them and they were right in genuine deep endorsements./By the way, if I may, there is a profound resonance in your book and what you're talking about./In my own family background, I lost a sibling and my parents lost a daughter/on./In fact, it was so long ago I can talk about it very, very, Matter of fact, Lee, but my my sister, my older sister and the/youngest of three was killed in a car accident in 1979./Totally change the sort of DNA of the family because of the shadow of death,/but also life death almost like a birth of a sense of humour for me round about that/time, it really wasn't about me./But it's just this idea of our journeys to now are sometimes adverse and/steeped in pain./But it's it's all about the journey towards exactly Chris, if I can./I just found the poem./Could I read you the part about I thank you./I'm very happy that my Segway has allowed that to happen./Beautiful./It has because I suddenly realise it was on my notes on my computer./Andi, I wrote this poem two days after Minister I learned Mr died/on DH on it./I'm not a part of that that this is not great poetry, but I have managed to get my feelings into this short/piece as a way of letting people know who she was./To me, it's called Allergy to my daughter Melissa./12 9, 81 to 11 9 for 11, 12, 14./Such amazing energy you brought to life, Ural./You were loved and admired./You lived this life and throw Your path was never easy./It's snake through mud and mire./But this is the beautiful, universally adored I miss/you in the place is not never be./We grab hold of life together./You always live your truth./You will owe you for your time./I wish you could return./Just wants to those who love too./And let us know./Are you piece toughness?/That's French/ducks./Perfect poetry for me./Well, I mean, I don't know how you measure what good poetry is, but that's so heartfelt and/beautiful./Thank you for sharing that./It's helpful best./And that's why I can't just write poetry./But I wrote something because my heart was utterly engaged in in my/daughter's death./So we're in Malcolm, you're clearing and we're arriving in a beautiful/place where I'm gonna award you with a cake now for gracing us with your presence here/in the good./Listening to podcasts clearing Andi, this is a cake whereby that you're going/to put a cherry on the cake and you're giving me so many Cherries anyway./So anyway, here we go./The cherry on the cake is open to interpretation is the final storytelling metaphor./It could be the best piece of advice you've ever been given./It could be advice you might give to your younger self./Something else you might like to say to Melissa, whatever, aunt, To get/existential further inspired by Shakespeare's All the World's A/stage and all the men and women merely players and each man in his time plays many parts, his acts being/seven ages./How would you like to be remembered?/What you like your legacy to be just wherever you'd like to go with the/legacy of this conversation?/Well, I think what I'd like my legacy to be was that my life was/lived./A lot of my life was lived in service and that I've got great joy from from the/service that I was able to bring./And I had great joy in watching people transform./You're part of my my circles, my groups./So that's been that's amazing./I think I would like to be remembered as someone who cared who has/her heart./A compassionate heart./Andi is deeply touched by things aside from them, people remembered as someone who's actually/taken risks in his life and actually sort of left being in a state Asian uncomfortable role/Teo to search for gold and found goals without knowing where I was gonna find/gold from what it was going to be./And I think my advice to my younger self would be that/Don't it would be this great Storey to tell you this real teaching storeys were advised to my/younger self./Just the second thought of it so And then none of this Storey is true or not./It is so funny that stuff So I just thought I'd tell it so a guy I knew it was a very big/workshop leader./His wife left him for another woman and he was so outraged not just that she'd left him, but/actually she changed sexual deviation for as far as he was concerned and he/couldn't get it out of his head and he was ranting and raging on./He was told to go and see a wise man who lived in the jungles/in Southeast Asia somewhere./So he made this big pilgrimage this wise man and finally having found his wage this wise/man, he sat in front of him as the man sat there impassively on DH./He's told him's hoping Storey And at the end of the storey, the wise man picked up a feather, tapped him/on the shoulder and said, Like in that parcel and so that would be my cherry on the cake./Lighten up ourselves./Don't get too caught up in it./And all the stuff we're gonna get through it if we're gonna get through everything that happens to us and we're/going to arrive sometime at the place where we're no longer incorporating human being shape/or form./But actually there's This is a rich journey Take the journey, gather some friends around/you and learn from every experience you go through in life./If I may say what I so love about that Storey was the grace of the feather on the brick of the statement/like nothing else./How I buy a lark, a sublime, the profound of the profane living/together./And it's comedy a surprise, which is something I'm very passionate about as well./So Wow!/Yes, Thank you for that wonderful Storey./Is there anything else you'd like to say before I find out what else we can find out about you on the/internet?/Um, I would like to say that, Um,/Miss Melissa every day hadn't/great Buddhist master./It's told his teachers that everything was illusion./Most his son on one of his students came out into the garden, was walking with him and he said,/Master, you're crying, he said while he crying because I lost my son./He said, But you teach us./Everything is illusion, he said./On the death of the child is the biggest illusion./So that's that's the piece I'd like to say about it./That's That's my cherry on the cape of Blister./I loved you./I loved you and I still love you./And you're a big part of my being./And I thank you for whatever support you gave me bringing this book through./I felt it was inspired by you./So you've been listening to the good listening to podcasts./It's been my absolute privilege to welcome Malcolm Stern./Thank you so much and/good night!