Have you ever wondered what it takes to rebuild not just a body, but a life? Gareth Dauncey, an Architect passionate about low-impact design and sustainability, joins us to share his journey of recovery and the power of maintaining routines, like his invigorating sea swims in the cold welsh sea.
He opens up about the challenges he faced post-hip surgery and the morale-boosting connections that kept him afloat—reaching out to admired individuals like hat maker Mike Holmes. Our conversation with Gareth is a toast to the profound moments that subtly shape our existence and a nod to the importance of human connections in our personal and professional growth.
As the waves of life crash around us, finding a moment of stillness can be revelatory. This episode sails into the heart of mindfulness and well-being, guided by Gareth's experiences with Ruby Wax's 'Frazzled' movement and the sanctuary of Frazzled Cafe online gatherings. He recounts the affirmation found within the pages of Wax's book and the life lessons from his recent hospital stay, offering insights into the transient nature of emotions and the courage to seek help, especially for the self-employed. Listeners will be embraced by a dialogue that celebrates the resilience of the human spirit in the face of physical and emotional pain, and the inspiration drawn from those who navigate life's tumultuous waters.
Architecture is often viewed as a rigid craft, but through Gareth's lens, we uncover the fluidity and creativity that lies within. He articulates the delicate balance of achieving simplicity through complexity, a principle that resonates beyond design and into personal growth. Our exchange delves into the ephemeral nature of life's trials and tribulations, the wisdom of the phrase "this too shall pass," and the importance of remaining true to oneself. Join us as we traverse the landscape of creativity, finding inspiration in challenges and embracing the lessons that each day brings.
Tune in next week for more stories of 'Distinction & Genius' from The Good Listening To Show 'Clearing'. If you would like to be my Guest too then you can find out HOW via the different 'series strands' at 'The Good Listening To Show' website.
Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW wherever you get your Podcasts :)
Thanks for listening!
Have you ever wondered what it takes to rebuild not just a body, but a life? Gareth Dauncey, an Architect passionate about low-impact design and sustainability, joins us to share his journey of recovery and the power of maintaining routines, like his invigorating sea swims in the cold welsh sea.
He opens up about the challenges he faced post-hip surgery and the morale-boosting connections that kept him afloat—reaching out to admired individuals like hat maker Mike Holmes. Our conversation with Gareth is a toast to the profound moments that subtly shape our existence and a nod to the importance of human connections in our personal and professional growth.
As the waves of life crash around us, finding a moment of stillness can be revelatory. This episode sails into the heart of mindfulness and well-being, guided by Gareth's experiences with Ruby Wax's 'Frazzled' movement and the sanctuary of Frazzled Cafe online gatherings. He recounts the affirmation found within the pages of Wax's book and the life lessons from his recent hospital stay, offering insights into the transient nature of emotions and the courage to seek help, especially for the self-employed. Listeners will be embraced by a dialogue that celebrates the resilience of the human spirit in the face of physical and emotional pain, and the inspiration drawn from those who navigate life's tumultuous waters.
Architecture is often viewed as a rigid craft, but through Gareth's lens, we uncover the fluidity and creativity that lies within. He articulates the delicate balance of achieving simplicity through complexity, a principle that resonates beyond design and into personal growth. Our exchange delves into the ephemeral nature of life's trials and tribulations, the wisdom of the phrase "this too shall pass," and the importance of remaining true to oneself. Join us as we traverse the landscape of creativity, finding inspiration in challenges and embracing the lessons that each day brings.
Tune in next week for more stories of 'Distinction & Genius' from The Good Listening To Show 'Clearing'. If you would like to be my Guest too then you can find out HOW via the different 'series strands' at 'The Good Listening To Show' website.
Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW wherever you get your Podcasts :)
Thanks for listening!
Welcome to another episode of the Good Listening To Show your life and times with me, chris Grimes, the storytelling show that features the clearing, where all good questions come to get asked and all good stories come to be told, and where all my guests have two things in common they're all creative individuals and all with an interesting story to tell. There are some lovely storytelling metaphors a clearing, a tree, a juicy storytelling exercise called 5-4-3-2-1, some alchemy, some gold, a cheeky bit of Shakespeare and a cake. So it's all to play for. So, yes, welcome to the Good Listening To Show your life and times with me, chris Grimes. Are you sitting comfortably here? Then we shall begin, and there we have it. Welcome linked in and welcome to an auspicious red letter day in the Good Listening To Show clearing.
Chris Grimes:I'm absolutely delighted to welcome Gareth Dauncey to the clearing. Gareth is an architect and rather comically, it says you're a low impact design architect. I'm sure you're not a. I'm sure you're very high impact as an architect, but your main thing is to have low impact and it's about sustainability, which we can talk about. You're wearing a gorgeous hat. If I may say so, that's by one of your own podcast guests who appeared talking about his hats, mike Holmes, very, very recently. I'll blow a bit of happy smoke at you, but first of all, welcome, gareth Daunsey.
Chris Grimes:Oh, chris, nice to be here, and I know one of your great questions is how do you feel today? That's the name of your podcast and that will be attributed also to the journey, the very profound journey in researching you that you've had in the Genesis and the conception of the mood app, which I know you'll be talking all about. You were passed the golden baton by Michael Owen, who we both know, captain Brand, as I like to call him, and he, yes, passed the golden baton and said I need to be on your podcast, you need to be on mine. Just a wonderful bit of reciprocity. So here we are. So, if you've just tuned in to LinkedIn as well, this is the podcast in which I invite movers, makers, shakers, mavericks, influencers and also personal heroes into a clearing or serious happy place of my guests, choosing to all share with us their stories of distinction and genius. And today is a special brand strand, founder story episode to talk about and celebrate all things, gareth Daunsey. So how's morale? What's your story of the day, gareth, so far?
Gareth Dauncey:Well, morale is pretty good. In fact it's probably as good as it's ever been Very good. And the story of the day, I guess, is that I made it up and down the stairs without a crutch for the first time in at least five weeks.
Chris Grimes:Because you're a bionic man. You have a new hip.
Gareth Dauncey:I have a new hip, yeah, and it's made a heck of a difference, the entire experience, not just the fixing of it. But I learned a lot over the last two years and in hospital, yes.
Chris Grimes:Have you got two? Have you got the complete set now of Bionic Hips?
Gareth Dauncey:I could only aspire to that, and that's a little bit going to be a bit further down the road, but I'm hoping to look after myself well enough to put that off as long as I can.
Chris Grimes:Yes, you also are very closely associated to the do lectures. You've done one yourself. I've watched that as part of the research about you today, and that means that you've spent a lot of time with the wonderful David Hyatt, who's been a previous guest of mine too. He's given me one of my favorite quotes, which is there's no shortcut to success. I'm going to go again, and you've been lucky enough to spend time in the sea together, if not on the daily, very much on the weekly. You were mentioning just before we came on air that you've had about 700 swims in the cold Welsh sea with David.
Gareth Dauncey:Hyatt, yeah, I mean that's a complete estimate, but it went on for a couple of years all through COVID, and it was great actually, and it wasn't planned either. It just sort of happened and then it became normal and then we tried to keep it up as much as we can now.
Chris Grimes:Lovely and, of course, if you haven't heard of the do lectures, you need to absolutely get on and find out more about the do lectures, and indeed David Hyatt and Hyatt Denim as well and I'm not about product placement, but I love your hands, by the way. You want to just talk about those watching on LinkedIn? Check out Gareth Daunsey's Barney and his hat. So do you want to just tell us the story behind the story of that hat?
Gareth Dauncey:Yeah, it's a very small world, isn't it? Even before David and I went swimming, I used to work for the do lectures, or I used to do little buildings on the farm and also a little bit down in the factory for Hyatt, and they used to do this thing called creative breakfast and you'd all sort of offer something up and that would make her into a newsletter. And then one of the things I saw in there once was the long shot EXP, which is a chap called Mike Holmes, and I just loved his hats and he makes them one at a time, basically from home. He's a graphic designer as well and I just thought he's a very cool chap and I bought this hat and absolutely love it.
Gareth Dauncey:He's Corduroy, one of my favorite materials, and it's the same sort of thing where you admire somebody but you think, oh, they're never going to have a chat. And then I just emailed him out of the blue one day and it came out in our little pod chat last week where he feels the same way. It's tricky to get in touch with people you admire and then one day you feel like you're up to it and you might send 10 emails that day to 10 different people. One of the ones he did when he felt up to it was to send it to Hyatt, and that's how they included it. That's how I saw it. And then eventually I emailed Mike and then we've become pals now and he came on my podcast and he was brilliant because he's such an interest in decent, down-to-earth, tidy blog. So it's cool.
Chris Grimes:I love that down-to-earth, decent, tidy blog. That's lovely.
Gareth Dauncey:Oh, he is, genuinely he is. And yeah, I've got two of his hats. The other one is this one's called Bob. Hello, Bob, Pleasure to meet you.
Chris Grimes:This one is called Surge Surge. Yeah, is that as entitled Surge? When the tide's up, you wear that hat.
Gareth Dauncey:No, no as in Surge. Gainsborough, gainsborough.
Chris Grimes:Yes, very cool, I love that. So thank you for extolling the virtues of Mike Holmes Also. I myself am a real exponent of that lovely quote. Until you ask the question, the answer's always going to be no, and indeed that has given me sucker in the type of guests that I'm getting. And indeed thank you to you two for saying yes to being here too. That's a pleasure.
Gareth Dauncey:And, to be honest, I've never had a chat where I've had to think in advance because you know, the thing I do is just literally I phone up and I say how do you feel today? This is Chris. Yes, and I'll be doing that with you next week and I look forward to that, yeah yeah, and it'll be cool to see the difference when we play them both back as well, because I have to think about this one.
Chris Grimes:Yeah, the curated structure that it's my great delight and privilege to guide you through. We're going to be in a few moments talking about a clearing, which is a serious happy place of your choosing. Then there's going to be a lovely juicy storytelling exercise called 54321, which I'll describe in a minute. There's a couple of random squirrels, a cheeky bit of Shakespeare, a golden baton and a cake and a couple of random squirrels, so it's all to play for in this podcast. Just, very importantly though as well, I know you're going to talk about this, but you founded the Mood app because you noted well, I read something really beautiful about it. Just quote it it's quite poignant and profound. Gareth knew that things hadn't felt right for a while, but he didn't know how bad or for how long. And then you began to map your mood and how you felt, and it all started with a calendar and colored pens, and then it allowed you to, I suppose, see how you felt, to build and maintain a way of well keeping an eye on your mental well being.
Gareth Dauncey:Yeah, it was a very sanitized version, as I wrote, but yeah, it was much worse than that. And COVID came along, which allowed everything to just stop. And because I'm self-employed, it was really strange because everything being alleviated that outweighed the worry about earning money, the future, all these sorts of things. And I was already gardening and I planted more potatoes and dug up some of the lawn and I'd already. Part of the thing that made me ill was taking on too much and part of that was trying to take responsibility for food and fuel. And I bought a church. But it's not because I wanted a church, it's because it came with a field and I never had the money. I did everything that I advised people not to do Don't ever start unless you've got the money, the drawings, the people, all of that. And I just started and as I put a spade in the ground, I realized I didn't need a field. You've just literally got to dig the lawn you've already got.
Chris Grimes:And I just heard I bought a church. No one's ever said to me I bought a church because it had a field.
Gareth Dauncey:It was difficult, it took years, and I was trying to also prove that you could take an old building, not ruin it, make it kind of lower impact in terms of the energy and use All these different things. Too many aspirations.
Chris Grimes:And your whole raison d'etre as an architect is the adaptive ruse I love that word the adaptive ruse of historic buildings. So that makes complete sense that you might be attracted to a church because that is an adaptive ruse.
Gareth Dauncey:Well, just reusing things is better than building things from new. I mean, you've got a question.
Chris Grimes:Do you know what I've misinterpreted? I've read ruse. That's right, it's reused.
Gareth Dauncey:It's reused, yeah, but we knock things down and rebuild. The first question is always should you be doing the thing you're doing? Do you know what? I just thought it was a thought.
Chris Grimes:I thought an adaptive ruse was a silky skill and a new way of looking at old buildings. But I'm going to start saying that from now on, an adaptive reuse of ancient buildings actually makes more complete sense that my own storytelling instinct had taken me to the next level. I've no idea what was going on there.
Gareth Dauncey:Yeah, and basically it was one of many things that became too much and that pressure being lifted, lots of things happened. I ended up joining something called Frazzlel Cafe online. I'd bought this calendar in coloured pens and didn't know why, and it was just sitting by my desk and I just thought I'll start marking things. And then I met all these other people who were depressed and frazzled or suffering with anxiety or whatever it was, and I was the only chap there. It was all ladies to start, and as I started to express these things, I saw nodding heads and just sort of felt less alone because I was talking and other people were talking and you all had similar sort of feelings, regardless what the reasons were. And then I got to know people there. I'd show my calendar to various people and they said you're a draftsman, you ought to design something. So I basically designed something based on me, at my worst, helping myself.
Gareth Dauncey:So this is this thing with motivation and ability, and if you've got no motivation, the ability has to be off the scale. So to create a habit, so how to make the thing as easy as possible, as beautiful as possible and be able to see things at different scales, so you could see the big picture or the small picture. Because if you see a painting like this, you can only see breaststrokes, and it's not until you step back and when you can see things in context, you start to realise things weren't as bad as you maybe thought and then you helps you not catastrophise the future. You start to see patterns where you can address certain things and then, if you do address one thing at a time, maybe you see that change over time. So all of a sudden it gives you agency over your own mental health.
Chris Grimes:Or your own. Well, I interpreted it as almost a pentone pallet of one's mood. So you're able to. That's exactly it, yeah.
Gareth Dauncey:And mood being just a general thing, the other thing I wanted to do. So I wanted to empower people to help themselves, but also to de-stigmasise the conversations around mental health, because I would never talk about, I would never mention it, other than the people close to me. So if you can make something beautiful and able to easy to share with a screenshot, if you haven't got the words, you can maybe ask for help, or you can turn it into art or a campaign or whatever it is, so I share them easily with friends and they share them with me. Yes, it's a great way to do that.
Chris Grimes:So, and I know that black is normally. You know, even depression has been called the black dog. Black is associated with the colour of dark moods and rather comically and brilliantly I had Charlie Higson from the Fast Show in this podcast last week and of course my favourite sketch is Johnny painting with Johnny where he goes oh, look at this, and then oh look, it's black, black.
Gareth Dauncey:And then that's brilliant. I still love that, even though it was a bit too close to the mark, because I understand that entire thing of Making yourself feel as a consequence of being creative.
Chris Grimes:You know, it can be a bit of a nightmare and by to your point about as a consequence of you being creative in your do lecture that you gave, which I really encourage people to watch. I love the fact that you thought you could be extra, extra efficient if you did yourself an extreme. You did a sort of six meter long desk, thinking that's the way to get super efficient, because my look, my desk is so big. But you found it a bit more big, but you found it overwhelming, didn't you?
Gareth Dauncey:Yeah, I should have had something this big, literally a much more size desk, and. And then back to the other thing. I just basically showed it to Ruby Wax one day because she runs frazzled. She mentioned it and gave it a credit in the in the beginning of one of her books, workbook for mindfulness.
Chris Grimes:It's called a mindfulness guide to a survival by Ruby Wax, isn't it? So it's lovely You're in the book, and so is the mood app in the book. It's featured, it's just it's not actually in the book.
Gareth Dauncey:It's just it's almost on the front page as a special credit, which was a complete surprise. But then the only reason for saying that is that I was absolutely duty bound to do it there, because that is out in the world that I'm doing this and it's in such a Conspicuous way that someone can see that. Yes, so I had a fine way to do it.
Chris Grimes:And and going back a step, frazzled is her movement, which you then joined. Is that right?
Gareth Dauncey:So just name the and I still go now is great because it's called a good, it's called frazzled cafe and it's a charity, and people come from all over the world really, and they just log in. So it was never online. It used to be a partnership with Marks and Spencer. It used to be in Marks and Spencer cafes and people used to turn up, just listen to each other, go home, feel slightly less alone as a consequence, and it went online literally on almost the first day of lockdown.
Gareth Dauncey:And because of Ruby and who she is and her experiences in life, she used to attend the meeting every day in the evening and what was great about it was I'd been learning an awful lot and To try and help myself because there's no help out there and a lot of that was to do with mindfulness and trying to become separate from your thoughts and to just observe them rather than get caught up in them.
Gareth Dauncey:But she would do a five minute Mindfulness exercise to begin and close each meeting and she's such a good teacher that I learned an awful lot of doing that and that just sort of added more momentum to the things I was doing anyway. So I was reading an awful lot about religion, self help, philosophy, but I came to the conclusion in the end, that the stuff that I was doing, that the stuff that really matters, you could write on this one side of a four, and there was a similar message across the board. And then I just sort of dedicated myself to try and to Make that or for that to become normal day to day practice, which it now is, and I think that's why I feel so well, I feel very, very fortunate.
Chris Grimes:And when you, when you- Sorry, I was going to say I was so delighted when I said and how do you feel today? And you said as good as it's ever going to get, it's great.
Gareth Dauncey:I think so and it's not as if it's some massive, buoyant happiness and I don't feel attached to it like I used to in terms of having to chase it either.
Gareth Dauncey:Because when you ask me the other questions later, I'll mention these things. But this idea of things not being permanent, whether they go to bad, and just letting things come and go and accept it. That and then this hospital experience recently just reinforced that in such a Easy way. Because instead of having to go through something for years, like some people do, I had this very condensed experience over three or four days where you basically anesthetize and can't move, can't go to the toilet, there's various things you can't do, but it slowly comes back, bit by bit over a few days, and you've just got to give into it and because of that you stop thinking and you submit completely. So all the things I've been trying to instill in myself. I had this perfect opportunity to experience it in real time, but without it being too difficult, because I got lots of friends who were going through lots of real hardship at the moment.
Gareth Dauncey:And again, I'll talk about them later, because they are some of the most inspiring people I know because of the things they are going through or gone through and how it's changed them and how they now see life, and it's very inspiring. So I was lucky because I just had a taste, a very, very small taste, but it was enough to remind me of everything I'd forgotten.
Chris Grimes:And I'm very happy about the timeliness of now in how we're in talking to you at this point, because today you're feeling really buoyant and you've just come through that Time period of, as you say, four days of quite an intense transition, as you had your hip replacement and got used to flying your new body.
Gareth Dauncey:I just feel so lucky and positive and grateful, which I do anyway. But this put a focus on it. And actually the weird thing was you don't realize how you get used to things. So the last couple of years of being in pain and all that just becomes normal. And when that's gone, it's incredible how, within a few weeks, you can't actually remember it. And it's the same with depression and anxiety and all that kind of stuff. When I look back on three or four years ago, I feel like I'm talking about a different person and it's really strange because equally, it can come back in a flash if you hit the wrong nerve or if you express an anecdote or something like that. That just brings something overwhelming back. But the pain thing is just incredible, how we can just become a distant memory that I can't actually visualize.
Chris Grimes:And in your path did you get diagnosed as being depressive. So therefore, you know the black dog of depression I described. That was a Chilean lens wasn't it the black dog.
Gareth Dauncey:No, because I was so concerned about having a black mark on my record. This is how ridiculous it is. When you start looking for help and yourself employed, you start to think your your living is going to be put in jeopardy. You're going to start thinking people will relate to you differently. And the other thing was I didn't really the way the it works if you see a doctor often is that you don't actually go through the proper guidelines and in two minutes you're told that you've got a serotonin imbalance and that you need to take these tablets.
Gareth Dauncey:But I had a sort of different opinion. I mean, there was a lot. I think the stuff that was happening in my life would have probably made anyone feel bad, but then I made it worse. That was the problem. And I'd also my whole life being up and down in small periods, but never for a prolonged period, where you don't want to wake up eventually and then you look into the ill and then you sometimes get where you're looking for a way out. So I've never been like that, as bad as that.
Chris Grimes:But you do. You do talk about it so eloquently in your do lecture. It's really really poignant and profound and I would encourage people.
Gareth Dauncey:Thank you Because that was a very that was a very anxiety inducing, Because I'd never talked publicly before. It's certainly never talked about the pressure.
Chris Grimes:You're so delightfully authentic, by the way the, the, the, the, the, the. The wonderful thing about you is you're just very good company. The audience likes you.
Gareth Dauncey:No, that's very kind, but yeah, it was. I'll show you the t shirt because somebody who was they made me a t shirt after I sent him the mood, my mood for July, and I haven't have COVID about 10 days before and you can see the colors changing and you can see, as the day I did the talk, this relief afterwards is everything lightens and obviously there was this period lit for about two weeks where everything was just like oh, I can breathe now.
Chris Grimes:And what color is COVID? There's a great question, so in your world it'd be different for everyone. But what? What color was COVID, please? Well, it was strange because I'm.
Gareth Dauncey:I never really am rock bottom, I'm never really euphoric. And what I've realized, and the only, I've only ever had the darkest at the point at COVID for two days, and I've only ever had the lightest when a very good friend of mine had the all clear for cancer.
Gareth Dauncey:Oh, we went for a swim, because we go swimming together. And he said, oh, actually, so we have a pint as well. And we had a pint after the swim. And he said this is the first point I've had in, let's say it's a year. I can't remember exactly what it was and as we sat there he said, oh, it's my birthday today as well. And I was just like, oh my God, this is the best day ever. So but what I've realized is everyone's range is different. So, say, it's one to five, like your numbers, you calibrate that. So, if you know, you could be this, I could be this. Yes, my wife is probably this, but I realized as you go through life, that changes for the individual as well. So I realized that I'm actually a lot more joyful than I've given myself credit for in the past. So I'm going to recalibrate how I, how I rate myself daily.
Chris Grimes:Yes, and your factory default setting and how you look is you smile really easily. So I think, I think, I think this is the authentic you and I'm delighted that you're the right way up, because you really did describe, you know, burnout after years of being spread far too thin, but you didn't realize or appreciate quite how thin. So I love the fact that you've you've been there and back and here you are the right way up and happiness is a state of what? The best day ever, the pint.
Gareth Dauncey:Well, the other thing is you could be such a burden to the people who are closest to you that that's one of my main motivators. Like there was this idea isn't it about putting the oxygen mask on on the plane first?
Gareth Dauncey:I never used to subscribe to it because I used to feel it was slightly selfish, and what I've learned is that it's not, and if you're doing the best for the people around you let alone the people who you haven't even met yet and might not meet, but it's still trying to help, you've got to do that. And the thought of I was saying to my wife this morning that she's done her shift and I never want to, ever Of nursing you back to well being.
Chris Grimes:Just just to put up with me.
Gareth Dauncey:you know it's just it's a relentless thing, and the people close to you, just you repeat in the same thing every day.
Chris Grimes:You're worth putting up with, don't you worry?
Gareth Dauncey:So look, shall we get you?
Chris Grimes:on the open road, then I know you're going to talk explicitly about where to find the mood app later on. If anyone's thinking, don't I need to know what the app is, we'll get on to that at the very end. So, gareth, it's my great joy, delight and privilege to curate you through the structure of the good listening to shows, stories of the secret of Judas. So we'll get on the open road. First of all, where is what is a clearing or serious happy place for you? Where do you go to get cut, a free, inspirational and able to think?
Gareth Dauncey:There are two, but I'm obviously only going to tell you one, right? So I've got two favorite places. The one is the greenhouse, and I literally love it in there, but the one I was going to mention is I'm lucky enough to live very close to the sea and we swim in the summer on one side of the estuary and in the winter on the other, because the one side can't take waves and up above the one that can't take waves there's a rock and I sit on there if I'm not swimming, most mornings very early, and I started doing it about a year ago and it's one of the most grounding puts everything in context. You feel very small, you're very close to nature because you're in the same spot every single day. That frame is the same, so it makes you more aware of the stuff that changes, whether it's seasons or just the tide at the time of day, whatever it is, and you start to feel as if, almost as if you're part of that place. And the more you feel like that, the more you feel of little consequence. And the more you feel like that, the more you have a sort of humility which allows everything else to settle.
Gareth Dauncey:And the funny thing is I bought this notepad to take with me every morning and I've got so many bits of paper everywhere that I bought one that actually costs a little bit more, thinking that if it costs a bit more I have to be more precious with what I write in it. And it doesn't matter how long I sit there, for I know when it's time to come home, because I get itchy feet. Meaning, right, I'm keen now to get on with this, and sometimes that'll take 45 minutes, sometimes it'll just be 10 minutes, but as soon as something clicks and it always clicks it in there, so it's been a brilliant place. That's my probably favourite spot. So should we call it Don't See Rock? No, because I could never claim it. It's actually called Morgan's Beach, but it's the rock above. Yeah.
Chris Grimes:So it's about Morgan, like Oregon, morgan in the underworld. So it's Morgan's Bay, did you say Just beach, but it's tiny.
Gareth Dauncey:I mean it's minute, it's absolutely minute, but it's a lovely little, it's beautiful.
Chris Grimes:So we're not sort of plopped into the sea. We're talking about sitting on the rock waiting to get itchy feet.
Gareth Dauncey:Well, I often. If I'm on my own, I'll often have a dip as well, and sometimes it's not even planned, so then it's in your pants with no towel.
Chris Grimes:Oh, the sand gets everywhere, but anyway, that's a privileged, wonderful place to be. So, if I may interrupt your revelry at the rock in Morgan Bay, I'm now going to arrive with a tree in your clearing, a bit waiting for Godot-esque, deliberately beckety and existential, and I'm going to shake your tree to see which storytelling apples fall out. How'd you like these apples? And this is where you've been kind enough to have taken five minutes, or as long as you've needed, gareth, to have thought about four things that have shaped you, three things that inspire you, two things that never fail to grab your attention. And borrow from the film up, that's a bit well, squirrels, you know what never fails to grab your attention, irrespective of anything else that's going on for you. And then the one is a quirky, unusual fact about you. We couldn't possibly know about you until you tell us. So it's not a memory test. I'll guide you through it slowly. Interpret the shaking of the canopy of your tree as you see fit.
Gareth Dauncey:Okie-dokie. So the things that have shaped me when I thought about this these are actually in chronological order, not that that was meant to be, it just seemed to be the way they came out. So the first thing was, when I qualified as an architect, I made a conscious choice not to really pursue a career, and that was because I valued time and also realized the consequence of well, commercial architecture really, where everything is just about money. And the thing with that and it's ironic when I come onto some of the other things that have shaped me is that that sort of search for time was meant to live a slower, simpler life. When you're self-employed, that's a very difficult thing to do, so the grass is never, ever greener. What it did allow me to do was to move to West Wales because I've got a very understanding, easy-going wife. So she said yes, and it also allowed me to be a family man and spend as much time as possible with the kids and just life generally. So that would take me on to the second thing that shaped me really is being a family man and devoting myself to that.
Gareth Dauncey:I just can't think of anything more. Well, I can't think of anything much better than that. I mean the whole point really Not for everyone, but for me. I just feel so lucky. My mom and dad, my parents, live close, we're very close and we've had some mad things out in our lives in terms of health and stuff like that, but I just feel so, so lucky. My one son was born this heartland the wrong way around and had an heart surgery when he was born and we ended up in a charity house and that's part of how we came so close to my parents. But we're close anyway and I'm going off on a tangent now. So, anyway, family and friends, that's a huge, huge thing in my life, and not chasing a career enabled an awful lot of that to become every day, a normal, which for me is like super important and is one of the main things that keeps me well actually.
Gareth Dauncey:So the third thing I would say that has shaped me was the burnout and depression and, like I said, I've always had bits and bobs of depression in my whole life and a lot of those feelings of guilt really about knowing how complicit we are in how the world is constructed and how many other people are affected by the way we live, our effect on future generations, all that kind of thing, and this is way back from when I was probably early twenties. But I've kind of learned to accept all that now and that you can do your best on a small scale, think large. You know that it sounds a cliche, but I think about trying to think global but act local. And then burning out brought all that to an absolute head where I just had to learn how to live in a way that I could continue to live. So sounds odd, but I'm actually really glad it all happened Because also it instilled in me the everyone's trying to be happy and what I concluded for my own wellness was that becoming self away was the first foundational key to everything and without that it doesn't matter what else you're doing.
Gareth Dauncey:You need that first. So everyone's trying to sell things all the time, the cost a lot of money and make huge promises. But what I really wanted to do after I kind of learned how to help myself was to not necessarily say to other people this is what you need to do, but to just create things where people can help themselves. So you empower people. And that's what I've tried to do with mood really, and with the podcast as well, because they both very similar things in that they're all about asking that question how do you feel today, whether you're asking yourself privately or whether I'm asking somebody publicly. They both help in different ways. So I'm really kind of grateful for the whole thing, really.
Gareth Dauncey:And then the fourth thing which we've touched on recently was that hospital visit and I'd kind of forgotten about. I've always been super grateful and I realize our privilege in my life is, but I kind of overthink everything to the nth degree and having to give in to something and trust somebody, and meeting all these wonderful people. When I talk to every single person I met, they all had their own things and they all opened up and actually the surgeon's coming on the podcast and one of the nurses is coming on. It was such a positive experience.
Gareth Dauncey:And I don't just mean because pain has gone on, because it's been fixed, because I was scared of it for years, I put it off for years and it just it taught me which I already knew, but I hadn't actually experienced it in this way. When you're putting things off, whether it's emotional, physical pain, and you're pushing it away all the time, you're actually multiplying it no end. And when you actually give in to it and embrace it. It becomes part of you and that direction is set, and then those small little steps to resolve in that become joyful and I was, like I said, I was lucky enough to experience that in a very condensed form, without it being too painful, yes, and I'm really super grateful for it. So that's really the fourth things I would say, and they happen to be chronological because each thing led to the next almost. So yeah, that's the four things I would pick.
Chris Grimes:Lovely, great answer, great shapeages. I commend your pick to the house. And now three things that inspire you, gareth Dorsey.
Gareth Dauncey:Okay, well, nature and the sea and the garden. I just spent so much time outside and again, I've touched on that earlier and I call it medicine, cold water medicine. The garden is a different sort of medicine, but they're the same really. And it's that feeling of insignificance, of being. You know, if you watch TV, when you're in the garden or in the sea, it's like being in the TV instead of watching it and you become part of that thing. And in becoming part of that thing, you realize that your place is a very little consequence and you're just part of a whole, which is why, like birds so much as well I love seeing birds, I'll come on later as well but you just it's like unplugging a TV and static disappearing and also you're doing something. I mean, people talk about the cold. That's part of it, because you're the only thing in my God. I'm freezing and you stop thinking about other things. But it's the same in the garden when you're doing something, you're just involved with something and ideas percolate, you stop ruminating so much and I never feel better than when I'm and I just find it totally inspiring. So that's that.
Gareth Dauncey:I've got quite a handful of friends who are very and family who are very ill at the moment. And, like I said earlier, the way people often respond when choice is taken out of their hands is super inspiring, because I don't think people realize the hidden depths they've got, yeah, and the resources they can draw on inside until they force to and nobody really wants to. You know who the hell would want to court proper pain and uncertainty and existential sort of questions. But I've seen it a real handful of times recently and each time I've seen it and I'm still seeing it it just is so inspiring to realize what it's like when we're out of our comfort zones and what you're actually capable of. And I've got so much ad admiration for people who are going through stuff and not crumbling, and often they haven't got family and support mechanisms, you know Anyway.
Gareth Dauncey:So that's so. That's number two and number three. I just know so many interesting people who see the world differently and a lot of them I've met through mood, but a lot of them I think I just gravitate to and maybe vice versa. And strangely the West Wales helped with that because I think it attracts a lot of people who want to live a different life. So from people I've met like Ruby to, I've got a brilliant neighbor who I met on the beach after 16 years and he's the nearest thing I know to a Buddhist monk. He's fantastic.
Chris Grimes:But then someone who inspires me he wouldn't want me to, because he's very, very private chap.
Gareth Dauncey:But I'll just tell you, give me a bag of pebbles not so long back. I'll have to tell you that another time, the story behind the pebbles. But he's just brilliant and he's fantastic, but someone who inspires me an awful lot. You mentioned it earlier, my friend David. He's absolutely fantastic.
Gareth Dauncey:And the funny thing was, let's go in the sea together was completely unplanned. I just asked him one day and he just said yes, which I thought he'd say no, and then we just started turning up each day at the same time and then it just became this habit that just went on and on and on. And the funny thing was I mean, there was so much time that we'd be there for an hour and a half, two hours every day, and in the winter you can't spend a long time in the sea, so we'd be on the side talking for a long time. In the summer it's still be the total same amount of time, but we'd be in the sea for longer.
Gareth Dauncey:And neither of us are very good swimmers. In fact we're not good swimmers at all. Right, we're awful, and we don't really swim either, we just sort of stand. But it's great and I've got, I've learned no end of David and he's inspiring for all sorts of reasons and he's so resilient and just a brilliant bloke. So you know, I think the world of him, but I also know an awful lot of other people that I you know. It's just so difficult to say.
Chris Grimes:I just know a lot of people who see the world differently and David has been here in the show too, and he too talked about the clearing of being in the sea and the difference it gives you, and so it's just as important. You know that time you spent together, the 700 swims together, are just as important to him. The reciprocity of that, the complicit in nature.
Gareth Dauncey:I loved it yeah it was brilliant and we used to go on the beach when there'd be ice on the sand and things like that, which is and actually sent me a text when I was in hospital saying and this was great. Actually he said just remember, you can do hard things, remember the ice on the sand.
Chris Grimes:Yes, and in even researching you, I couldn't help reading the line which sums up everything you've been saying You're happiest in your garden or swimming in the very cold well-sea which you've just described. Yeah, completely, that's true, very true. Lovely. Three things that inspire you. Now two squirrels. Now, oh, squirrels, what are the two things that never fail to grab your attention, irrespective of anything else that's going on for you?
Gareth Dauncey:Again, I feel bad, Chris, because it's very difficult to give you a specific answer, right? So the first thing would be literally everything and anything.
Chris Grimes:Or food and squirrel.
Gareth Dauncey:Well, I'm just it could be anything. I've always got something in my head. I'm going to do this, and then I'll see something, or something, or something.
Chris Grimes:And the more bizarre thing, is, we've got two squirrels, one called everything, the other one called anything. So that's great, that's a brilliant answer. The maddest thing of all is that the stuff that really I should see.
Gareth Dauncey:I don't see. So I fall over things, I lose things, and that could almost be a metaphor for life generally as well. So I see and notice no end of really odd detailed things, like if someone's got new shoes, for instance, or just anything, but I find it very difficult to actually keep on track. So I've started to get more routine in my life and more disciplined by blocking calendars and things like that, and it helps no end.
Chris Grimes:But I just adore the fact that your monsters of distraction are two squirrels, one called anything, the other one. I love that. That's a great answer. And now a quirky or unusual fact about you, gareth, that we couldn't possibly know about you until you tell us.
Gareth Dauncey:OK and this does sound a bit bonkers when I'm on the rock or in the garden and I've bought binoculars for that right I've started to really Basically. When I was a kid I used to love birds and used to draw birds and on stop, and all the drawings would always end up in the bin because you wouldn't want to show anybody. And I've realised as I've got older the things you do as a kid are really the real things that are close to your heart. So I bought a pair of binoculars and I sit there watching birds and seals and things like that, but anyway, when you sit, so still they come close to you. And when I'm in the garden they might be on a tree or on a roof or whatever.
Gareth Dauncey:And I started trying to communicate with birds in their own language. So I try to mimic them and, depending on the bird the louder ones they sort of look in and then they'll reciprocate because they don't know what the hell's going on. It's like I must be, there's some threat that they know I'm not a bird, but they can hear something. So I love it. So I'm trying to communicate with birds in their own language.
Chris Grimes:I love the irony as well of buying binoculars and then the birds come close LAUGHTER.
Gareth Dauncey:Only the little ones on the clips. The other ones are way off.
Chris Grimes:So you're a bird whisperer. That's a great cool fact as well. These answers are just gold, by the way. Ok, now we've shaken your tree and talking about gold, I've done a brilliant segue, gosh. This is good. So now we're going to stay in the clearing, which is on Morgan Beach Rock. And now we're going to stay in the clearing, but we're going to talk about Alchemy and Gold. Now, when you're at purpose and in flow, gareth, what are you absolutely happiest doing in what you're here to reveal to the world?
Gareth Dauncey:And this is beyond family and friends and garden and sea, isn't it? You're not talking about that, right?
Gareth Dauncey:OK, if it's architecture, the thing is right everything you do which is creative is trying to touch somebody, whether that's music, writing, art, whatever. Architecture is such a slow process, and the only reason I'm an architect is because when I'm from, when I was young, you couldn't do art and science, well, maths. So it's like what are you going to do? Ok, well, I'll go down that route then, because jobs and things like that. And then what you realise is that the creative act in architecture is about 5% of the entire thing and the rest of it is just this very difficult process that can take forever and dilute everything and etc.
Gareth Dauncey:So I love that initial thing where you've got a roll of tracing paper and pens and it's just no good, no good, no good, and you just churn in through ideas, but as quick as possible, and you're exploring the things from all angles and eventually you crack something. When you crack something, it almost seems inevitable. And then when someone else looks at it and they say, oh, that's easy, I could have done that. You know you're onto something. So it was the same with mood, it's the same with anything. But ultimately I would then like to Do it through music or art. But that's a whole new discipline to start to. You know I'm just a doubler kind of thing.
Gareth Dauncey:But the other side to everything is I genuinely want to help people not end up where I ended up. And it's not that it's any big deal that I ended up where I did. It's a universal story. I'm not saying it's special, it's nothing, it's just of no consequence. But I realize how painful it is. And if you can help people help themselves avoid that pain, then that's a very and it's not to want in personal satisfaction or anything like that. It's just that if you can, why wouldn't you? And I truly believe that what I learned from myself is Applicable to a lot of people and would help them.
Chris Grimes:So, if I may, what I interpreted there is alchemy and gold. For you is interpreting complexity to arrive at simplicity, to help others.
Gareth Dauncey:Yes, there we are, you said it better than me.
Chris Grimes:Chris, it's all your own work, I just interpreted it.
Gareth Dauncey:OK, lovely.
Chris Grimes:I'm now going to award you with a cake, hurrah. So, gareth Johnson, do you like cake?
Gareth Dauncey:first of all, I'm not a massive fan, to be honest.
Chris Grimes:Tough crowd. Ok. So this is the final storytelling metaphor. This is a cake suffused with more story escape to it. So you get to put the choke on the cake, even though you're not fast, tough crowd. But you get to put a cherry on the cake and this is stuff like now. What's a favourite inspirational quote that's always given you sucker, first of all, gareth, and that's pulled you towards your future.
Gareth Dauncey:Well, this is a recent, last couple of years thing really, but that idea that I was talking about with impermanence and not judging things as good or bad and realising that everything changes can be summarised by the quote we've all heard a million times, which is this tool will pass, and I could say a hundred different quotes to you, but that one Is so meaningful if you, if you truly subscribe to it, because I made another brilliant testament to interpreting the complexity to arrive at the simple, and this to shall pass is incredibly complex but so simple.
Chris Grimes:Yes, it's fantastic.
Gareth Dauncey:And it's so. I love the I often, when things are boiled down like that, that they become more sophisticated, because as you live certain things, it's the same, honestly, with the mood thing it's only a pattern. But the more you understand yourself as a consequence of understanding these patterns, you realise it's actually very sophisticated. It's the same in our phrase the more you live with and subscribe to that, the more you realise about impermanence, about being set.
Gareth Dauncey:And then that can lead to things like Observing your thoughts rather than being caught up in them, having a distance from them, all these different things, living in the moment rather than the future or the past, and it can all get boiled back down to that phrase. But it's easy to say that Because I had no understanding of these things until I'd read this many books. But then that's what I mean you read this many and then you can get into it straight back down. Yes, lovely beautiful answer.
Chris Grimes:What's the best piece of advice you've ever been given, Gareth?
Gareth Dauncey:Well, I saw tricky. I've got a very good friend who's had a hell of a life and she said to me once that the advice she'd give her younger self was it'll all be okay, and I love that. But something I say to my own son, which I think is we should all subscribe to. I say to both of them but I still say it now, even though they're 20 and 24. I say always be Tom, because I think we're inherently decent people and if you were always yourself, you're 99% of the time do the right thing in any given situation. So that's me giving my advice, but I give it to myself as well. You know the same thing. But the thing my friend said about it'll all be okay, I mean even when it's not at some point.
Gareth Dauncey:If you're lucky enough that it doesn't kill you when you look back at it, it'll have led to where you are in that moment, which then means it'll all be okay.
Chris Grimes:And very profoundly. You've answered the next question as part of that, because it was the. What notes, help or advice might you profit to a younger version of yourself? But I think you've covered that in yourself because everyone else has taken just Beep, gareth.
Gareth Dauncey:Yes, yeah, because when you're a kid there's no side to, it's not. You're not consciously acting. In certain ways, you learn that, yeah, and when you were yourself as a youngster, I think, the more you can. You know if you might have to temper it for certain situations, but you are your true self.
Chris Grimes:And as a youngster you were a bird whisperer, and then you've returned to that later on.
Gareth Dauncey:I don't think I used to try and talk to them then, but that's a recent addition.
Chris Grimes:It's Gareth Dr Do little D'Orzi. He talks to the birds and he buys himself binoculars, but they come up close anyway, so.
Gareth Dauncey:I love that.
Chris Grimes:Ok, we're ramping up to Shakespeare to talk about legacy in a moment, but just before we do that, this is the past. The golden baton moment, please. So now you've experienced this from within, who would you most like to pass the golden baton along to, to keep the golden thread of the storytelling going?
Gareth Dauncey:I've got a very, very good friend who's an exceptional artist and her name is Natalie Chapman and she's had an unusual life and I won't say, I let her explain. And she's an inspiration and she's a fantastic lady and an absolutely superb artist and when you talk to her you'll understand why I've nominated her.
Chris Grimes:Sounds like a wonderful gift of Natalie Chapman. Thank you so much. And now I'm inspired by Shakespeare and all the worlds of stage and all the bedded women, billy players, borrowed from the Seven Ages of man's speech. That that was jacquoise man, you like it? Next to Charger, welcome. Now we're going to talk about legacy. How, when all is said and done, gareth Daunsey, would you most like to be remembered?
Gareth Dauncey:You know, I don't really want to be remembered other than by people that I actually close to, and then it's just as simple as just fond memories. What I'd like to do is anonymously have helped people, but then I don't know those people, so I don't really want any legacy there other than the fact that something's happened. But in terms of the people I love, who are close to me, I just want them to have fond memories of the time you spent together. That's it Lovely.
Chris Grimes:Where can we find out all about Gareth Daunsey, architecture and also founder of the Mood app. So where can we find, where would you like to point us to, to find out all about you for those that have been listening?
Gareth Dauncey:Okay, I'm very unprofessional on this, friends, so LinkedIn is where I post a lot, but I will, and we're doing this as a link.
Chris Grimes:Well, so that's good.
Gareth Dauncey:So I will sort this out some. But LinkedIn is where I post an awful lot about either architecture, Mood app or the podcast how do you feel today? There's a website Mood app dot IO. So if anybody wanted to try mood, they could find it via that on the website. They could find it via that on the app store and Play Store and I think on Apple is a 30 day trial and there's two Instagram pages One how do you feel today, Dot podcast, and the other one is mood app dot IO. But there will be more coming. I've just got a fine enough hours in a day to bring it together into a coherent form.
Chris Grimes:And if you've really been listening, we go and find you daily on Morgan Beach on your channel. I look forward to standing next to that rock and say that's where Gareth sits someday. I keep threatening David Hyatt that I'll arrive in Cardigan Bay and come and say hello.
Gareth Dauncey:I'm going to go for a swim together, the three of us.
Chris Grimes:I would love that. Yes, please. I sort of wouldn't love that too, because cold water makes me feel very stressed, but I ought to say yes because I know it'll affect my mood in a good or a bad way, but it's all good. So, as this has been your moment in the sunshine of the Good, listening to Show stories of distinction and genius, gareth Daunsey, is there anything else you'd like to say?
Gareth Dauncey:No, not at all. I mean, we've covered so much ground and I feel very lucky to be here, chris, and it's lovely to have met you, and it's been cool, it's been brilliant. You're a very, very good host and able to. I feel, at my ease completely, so thanks.
Chris Grimes:And thank you too. I really, really enjoyed our conversation and I'm very, very happy that Michael Irwin yes, he said you must speak to Gareth Daunsey, so I'm very happy that he said that. Thank you.
Chris Grimes:Michael. Thank you, michael. So, yes, thank you for watching on LinkedIn as well. If you too would like to be my guest, have a look at the Good Listening to Show dot com. There are a number of series stands that will explain exactly how you can do that. As you know, we've been doing this as a LinkedIn live, but then also Gareth will be pulled into the UK Health Radio show that I do and the Mood app, I think, will be particularly of interest to the audience on UK Health Radio. That has a global reach across the network of 54 countries, 1.3 billion viewers or listeners, rather and growing. And in fact, tomorrow here on LinkedIn, I'm going to be doing a live with Johann Ilgenpritz, who is the MD of UK Health Radio, who has an extraordinary back from the abyss of a health diagnosis to now being the MD of UK Health Radio. That was just me planting something for the future as well. So thank you so much, gareth Daunsey. Is there anything else you'd like to say?
Gareth Dauncey:No, just look after yourselves everybody and try to understand yourself so that you know how to make changes in your life that benefit you.
Chris Grimes:So this has been Chris Grimes, but most importantly, that's been Gareth Daunsey. Tune in next week for more stories from the Clearing. Thank you very much indeed. Good night. You've been listening to the Good Listening 2 show here on UK Health Radio with me, chris Grimes. Oh, it's my son. If you've enjoyed the show, then please do tune in next week to listen to more stories from the Clearing. And if you'd like to connect with me on LinkedIn, then please do so. There's also a dedicated Facebook group for the show too. You can contact me about the programme or, if you'd be interested in experiencing some personal impact coaching with me, carry my level up your impact programme. That's chrisatsecondcurveuk. On Twitter and Instagram, it's at thatchrisgrimes. So until next time. For me, chris Grimes, from UK Health Radio, and from Stan, to your good health and goodbye, gareth. That was a truly delightful conversation. Could I just get your immediate feedback on what that was like to be in this structure? So how did it feel to be on the receiving end of this curated journey?
Gareth Dauncey:It was great because I don't normally think in those kind of structured ways, so having to prepare beforehand was quite good, actually, because it made me think about things that I didn't know about and see how they fit in over the last few years, whereas normally I'm just like bang and I'm thinking on my feet. So even though it took a bit of time to actually think but I'm glad I did it was cool, Very cool.